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How G-d Healed My Broken Heart

Beloved how heavy is the burden on our bodies to carry the weight of the lies that we believe about ourselves, about our lives, about our potential. The lies we are so deeply convinced of, etched within our hearts; and how the stress of these lies end up manifesting into painful relationships, or pain and weaknesses in our bodies from being yoked to beliefs that are not from our Lord, Who made us, and with Whom we are now joined to so beautifully, so perfectly and completely.

1 Corinthians 6:17 (TPT) But the one who joins himself to the Lord is mingled into one spirit with him.

Footnotes: 1 Corinthians 6:17 The Greek verb kallaō means “to unite,” “to knit or weld together,” “to mingle,” or “to join together,” and “to make two into one.”

I love that passage. To be joined to the Lord so completely is so deeply comforting. When we pray for healing our bodies, the best place to start is Love. Love always Heals and Love needs to be the foundation of all that we build upon. And Truth can be embraced only because Love is strongly believed, strongly expressed. Then when Truth is soaked in Love, Truth can set us free from the weight of the burden of the lies we have believed about our lives…John 8:32 (AMPC)And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.

Beloved how loved do you feel when you think about how G-d feels about you, personally…really, truly, deeply loved? Just as you are? I went through a very dark time in my life and I might have shared a little about it here and there, but today I felt I so wanted to share the practical “how-to” I went through that changed everything for me. It might help someone, even one wee heart out there, and that means everything to me. Back then, there wasn’t the internet for us to just google a possible answer. Back then I just felt surrounded by perfect Christians who all had it together and I was the odd duck out. I can’t even describe how dark that time was back then. All I knew was that I had actually no one in my life I could think of that actually loved me. I knew the people in my life were pretty wrapped up in the major project of their own lives, and I didn’t fault anyone for being out there in deep water trying to find their way. But when my own life, my own heart became shattered, I couldn’t find anyone who I could resonate with. No one who was a “safe” person to share my heartache with or even to ask how to fix my broken heart. How do I pick up all these tiny hopeless pieces of my life and make something hopeful again. It all seemed too late, I was too devastated. And I felt utterly lost. And because of the stress of the time I was plagued with illnesses on top of it. Illnesses that medicine just couldn’t penetrate through the pain in my heart to reach my sick body parts. I read when you hit chronic illnesses, if things don’t clear up with your prescriptions, look inward to the emotional roots. But I was a black hole then inwardly so I just tried to keep moving forward. I honestly felt like my heart was bleeding out, but I couldn’t stop to plug it up or I feared I’d be left behind, utterly abandoned which was a far greater fear. I went to work daily and stared up into the ceiling to beat back the waves of tears that welled up out of nowhere. I told customers I had terrible allergies. To this day I think I was terribly wrong to do that, keep moving forward without reaching out for help. But I look back and I can still see my flawed logic and my need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It was about that time when G-d stepped in and started telling me what I needed to do to bring the healing I needed for my heart. It started with flashes of thoughts and images, that I needed to in a sense believe I was loved even though I had no real reference point or evidence I was loved by G-d or anyone else. I knew in my “knower” I needed to know that He loved me. I even prayed that I didn’t want Him to give me a pink Cadillac, or any special gifts. I wanted, I needed, to know His love for me. That’s all I wanted! Or I would never be okay again. Though I truly did not feel that was true, that He could love me nor did I feel His love was real at the time. I felt jaded by life. But I just had nothing else, absolutely nothing else I thought I could do or try. At that time a stranger from our church, mailed me a one sheet of scriptures that had standard bible verses translated into truth statements. It was so G-d it wasn’t funny, because I didn’t tell anyone I was a hot mess, though I probably looked like one. I took that sheet of paper and went walking in the fresh air everyday, sometimes twice a day because the oppression at home was so terrible. And every night as I was falling to sleep, I called it my “happy thought”: I would imagine that G-d greatly loved me and that my life would be okay. That He was going to make everything work out for me in the end. Not as I wanted it to be, but how He wanted it to be, and that made me feel safe and secure. I realized that what I had wanted in life was based in a lot of dysfunctional thinking and values. I needed the bonafide, real deal of a life, so I was open to G-d rewriting my life from the ground up. Then when I went walking during the day all I would do was whisper the bible statement, and imagine what it felt like to be loved by G-d. At first the best I could say that came to me was I was just going to have to pretend He loved me. Like He already loved me. Not that He was just then going to start loving me, but that He already loved me. Next, I actually needed to feel some sort of feelings to go with it to make it feel real. I had none. I couldn’t ever remember ever really feeling loved. I started thinking even if I had no past memories of feeling so loved, I’ll just need to figure out what I could imagine of what it felt like to be loved. I imagined it felt like you were special to Someone. You mattered. You were valuable. It might feel like a great affection like you were wanted by Someone. That Someone wonderful felt you were wonderful too. So I took what I could scrape together and started walking, whispering these Bible Truth Statements and pretending that G-d loved me. That He was the perfect Father and He felt for my plight.

The Truth statements were “I am the apple of His eye at the center of His focus. He’s counted every hair upon my head because He loves me and is looking after all the details of my life. He’s rearranging everything to work out for my highest good. I am united with the Lord and I am one spirit with Him. He’s working in all my life situations now and always. He’s guiding me everyday to where I need to be. His perfect love for me is casting out all my fears. He’s my perfect Shepherd and will leave 99 to come and find me if ever I get lost. My inner most Being is being renewed everyday. I am holy, chosen and dearly loved.”

Some statements just resonated with me more and sometimes I would just stay on one statement. And truly I had to “pretend”, which means, To Make Belief, “create” belief, because I came from a very broken home growing up. When I hit this crisis I had not point of reference to believe anyone would ever love me, because it just hadn’t ever been honestly and truly expressed. And remember,

True Love, actual real love Sacrifices. Jesus is the expression of True Love, because He sacrificed His life. As Christians we are to lay down our lives for others. We are to lay down our lives and pick up our Cross daily. True Love says If you obey Me you show you love Me by obeying my teachings. (See John 14:23). Obedience is expressing our love for Jesus. It is Loves Response echoing back to His sacrifice for us. To obey is a sacrifice, so to obey the teachings of Jesus Christ is our expression of True Love responding to Christ’s Love of laying down His life for us. If we lose our lives for Him, we will find our true lives. But if we try to save our lives, we will lose them. That’s selflessness verses selfishness.

True Love, real love expresses itself through sacrifices made. That just had never been expressed to me as a child. And children’s subconscious is hard wired between the ages of zero to 6 years old. All childhood experience between 0 and 6 years old is sealed, as it were within us. The programming is set off of those early life experiences. Of course we can change that programming with G-d. But up until that time in my life I just never saw anything but people trying to survive their own hellish lives without G-d and I was just shuffled along in through my own tormenting childhood lost in the big crowd.

Beloved, it took me 6 weeks in a very very broken state of imagining images of being Loved by G-d, of having faith created by hearing the Word of G-d which I whispered and forcing myself as it were to feel what it would feel like to be special, to be affectionately loved, wanted, important to G-d. When I reached that 6 week mark I went out walking like any other day. By then the season started to change it was becoming springtime and I could feel it in my bones that my life was changing, but up to that point I really didn’t feel much else. But one day in the 6th week, I went walking to do what I had been doing; seeing, whispering the Truth statements, making myself feel special by pretending I was really loved…and it manifested. I was walking and suddenly it felt like a huge wave of Living Love enveloped me. I started weeping uncontrollably. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I couldn’t control it, I wasn’t making it happen, I didn’t think earlier that, that day would be different than any other…no warning. It just manifested. And I was never the same. I truly FELT loved by G-d. The image that still fits for me was the old water wells, with the pump action handles. You had to pour a little water down the pump and start pumping to get the suction going, then the well water would come up gushing. It was as if for 6 weeks I was pouring a little water down into the pumping mechanism and pumping. Pouring a little water in and pumping, til that one day when it came up gushing. But it changed my entire life perspective. From then on my faith in G-d shifted. I felt the reality of His Presence in my life. I could see the scriptures like I hadn’t before. And I learned the hard way that you have to keep adding a little water (using the scriptures as the Water of the Word to pour a little in to my heart to get that suction going) for that Love pump to get going everyday or it gets dry all over again. I still need to draw from His Love everyday even now 40 years later. And that pump is still gushing every day!

I would love the opportunity to minister to you more. Please join me for my daily radio feature “Gentle Whispers”, Monday – Friday at 7:10am, 8:10am, 5:10pm & 6:10pm on Fortress 1230am Harrisburg, Pa and Fortress Internet Christian Radio through the live stream at You can also start the weekend with me Saturday mornings from 6a – 9a on “Meditations of the Beloved” featuring beautiful reflective, meditative music as well as hourly prophetic Prayer words.

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