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Beloved, when my husband Peter and I, and our children were going through what I believe was the worst time of our lives, all I could pray for was to see the first light of the dawn breaking through the darkness of our trials. I knew that horrible time had to come to an end. And I watched & prayed to see the first little signs that something was changing. It’s all I wanted, just to see the first glimmer of hope. I imagined it would come as an idea, a phone call, a divine appointment. It would be the crack in the dam that was holding back Heaven from responding to us. I held to those detailed imaginations as my daily sustenance. Those thoughts gave breath to my faith. I knew that something small would be the beginning of the end of our nightmare. And I wanted to savor every little morsel of hope that came each day…as if it were a love letter from G-d. And daily small things happened to feed me, to sustain us. I believe that faith is like this, to keep the eyes of our hearts focused on the tests coming to an end and things becoming better in a deeper and more meaningful way than they had been before we enter that testing & trial. Beloved, if you are finding yourself in a dark time, a challenging time; faith looks, it sees, it believes for change. Who was I before the bigger test came? I didn’t feel focused. I felt like I was doing for others, savoring my time with G-d…but I couldn’t connect with my call or purpose…just filling time and space with trying to do for others. Which is fabulous, but when the trial came, when the storm hit, I didn’t feel equipped. The beauty of the fury of the storm revealed my heart; what I really truly believed about me and G-d. I feel like trials squeeze me like a tube of toothpaste and what shoots out is not pretty, but it is the totality of my heart. Well, the storm definitely squeezed me, and what came out of my heart was a lot of poison. I can look back now and see that there was such good that was coming through that horrible time. It was like a storm at sea, spewing up the trash onto the beach. Back then, I felt the whole hardship was my fault, my poor decisions. Or I wasn’t tight enough with G-d. It was my sin, which seems to out number the stars in the sky. And at my panicky points I was confessing everyone’s sin too, just to cover my bases. I was heart broken that somehow I had missed G-d, screwed up so terribly to bring down all this agony.


Beloved, if you are in this storm can I tell you, curl up into the Love of G-d. I was led astray by so many lies. When we were at our most vulnerable, I was too open and believed all the negativity that flooded into my soul. I wish I had had someone who could have told me what I am telling you now. To only fall more deeply in love with G-d. Worship in your home, your car, your church. Keep savoring His Love for you. Keep reading the Word of G-d daily. Declare out loud if you can, the promises of G-d. But most importantly, know that you float. You are exactly where you need to be in this moment. You are in Christ. And you are safe. You are being guided. You just need to dial down, breathe deeply and know that you are resting upon the River of G-d. The Holy Spirit is that River, that Current beneath you and you are resting, trusting in that flow. In the posture of Peace, you will receive the revelations, the intel you need…but only in the place of peace. So make Love, Joy and Peace your environment. And keep your imaginations focused on that glimmer of hope. That first light of dawn…because that is faith. If any negative thoughts come to you, write them down and walk away until you are in a better state of mind, more spiritually minded so that you can see the lies for what they are. G-d doesn’t use fear, He doesn’t lie. His Word will win the day. You will be delivered from these situations. And to add a bit of our testimony…After the storm passed, we received double for everything we lost. And our lives were prospered with joy. Do we still go through the intense stuff? Yes, but we have so much more Truth under our belts now so that we can distinguish more of the negative, the lies, from the Light and Joy of G-d’s Truth. If someone could have told me that it was all going to be okay, that I would come out of that time with a beauty that I didn’t know my heart could possess…I might have walked through that storm differently I think, I hope, anyway. Instead I ran through the days like a woman wailing with her hair aflame…teeheehee…I giggle, but now I love that me who went through that time. With all my fears blazing and all the weeping. This was authentically me. The falling apart me. And I believe it was completely necessary because if I didn’t throw up all that stuff from my heart, I would still be soulishly toxic to some degree. But with every melt down came a break through for my “inwardness” to develop something only G-d could deposit from the inside out. Knowing G-d loved me was key back then. Then taking His love for me in all my hot mess, was life changing. Also, understanding G-d’s Grace towards me, and truly comprehending a depth of Compassion towards myself. I’d say Gratitude is more powerful a weapon then I ever knew was possible, which is a sacred element of Worship. If possible, get lost in Worship and your love for G-d.

Ps 22:3 – 5 (The Passion Translation) Yet I know that you are most holy; it’s indisputable. You are God-Enthroned, surrounded with songs, living among the shouts of praise of your princely people. Our fathers’ faith was in you—through the generations they trusted and believed in you and you came through. Every time they cried out to you in their despair, you were faithful to deliver them; you didn’t disappoint them.

I have seen the purity of revelation that comes from times of truly worshiping with all my Being. And I’ll add, the revelation sometimes doesn’t come during worship…it usually comes well later, the next day or two. Then suddenly I will be peacefully doing something and I will know something in my knower. I’ll grab a hold of it, run and write it down and start praying, meditating on it. Letting it soak into my being as it is a Seed from G-d, dropped into my fertile heart. I’ll nurture it with Light, Water and Love from His Word…and let it grow its roots deeply within me.

Beloved, I also prayed during that time that we’d never forget our Egypt. That others might have to pass through the same dark time and as G-d would lead, that I could use our testimony as an encouragement to them…to tell them to keep looking for the first light of dawn, keep sensing for the change in the air, the season coming to an end, because beloved, it will…and commit yourself to never forget your hard times. Someone is waiting on the other side of this trial you are going through, longing to taste of the Heavenly Wisdom that you have garnered through it all. I like the Amplified Classic edition of the Bible, where they define wisdom as in Proverbs 5:1,2 “My son, be attentive to my Wisdom” [godly Wisdom learned by actual and costly experience],

My take on what godly Wisdom is, it’s learning from what we go through. So there are lessons to learn through the Storm. Wisdom to be enriched with. Character to be nurtured. G-d is a perfect Father and He is mentoring all of us to be as Christ is.

Have you gone through tough times and came out the better for it? How have you grown? Can you love the you that you were when things were at their worst? Are you more aligned now with who you are in Christ than you were before? I’m blessed we are on this journey together! I would love the opportunity to minister to you more. Please join me for my daily radio feature “Gentle Whispers”, Monday – Friday at 7:10am, 8:10am, 5:10pm & 6:10pm on Fortress 1230am Harrisburg, Pa and Fortress Internet Christian Radio through the live stream at wkbo.net. You can also start the weekend with me Saturday mornings from 6a – 9a on “Meditations of the Beloved” featuring beautiful reflective, meditative music as well as hourly prophetic Prayer words.

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